Can you move on and not forgive?

According to Deborah Schurman-Kauflin, it is completely possible to move on and heal from trauma without forgiving the perpetrator. In fact, forcing yourself to forgive, or pretending to forgive when you really haven’t, can actually be counterproductive to healing.

Why do people struggle with forgiving?

Many people struggle with forgiveness because they confuse the act of forgiveness with their expected emotional outcome. People do tend to feel better as a result of forgiveness, but it’s a mistake to expect a certain set of feelings. Forgiveness is a commitment, not a feeling.

What to do when someone is holding a grudge against you?

Here are some tips to help if someone is holding a grudge against you:

1. Accept that you can’t change a grudge-holder’s perspective no matter how much you state your case and attempt to defend or explain yourself.
2. Apologize.
3. Forgive.
4. Move On.

What happens when you forgive someone?

When forgiving someone, you are saying goodbye to the pain and burdens that your bad memories of them are giving you. Yes, they may come back every once in a while, but it will not be as bad anymore because you realized that it is what it is.

Is forgiveness a form of forgetting?

Moreover, cultural tropes aside, forgiving is not forgetting, or denying, either. And forgiveness is a process, not a single act. Again, you don’t need to forgive your fellow subway rider who accidentally smacks you with his backpack; the words, “I’m sorry,” will suffice.

Is forgiveness the same as reconciliation?

Forgiveness also isn’t a synonym for reconciliation. While it’s true that the act of forgiving can lead to reunion—“It was only a one-night stand, after all, and we’ve been married for 10 years; I’m forgiving and staying”—you can also choose to forgive and to divorce an unfaithful spouse.

Does forgiveness change negative behavior?

Forgiving someone who loves and values you less than you love and value him or her is a guaranteed trip down the rabbit hole. In a contrarian piece of research, though, James McNulty looked at whether forgiveness facilitated changes in negative behavior over the long-term.